Online dating geeks
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I have tried about 40 sites. You have to do your research. However, this happened to me so often that I began suspecting that meeting a guy online sent the subliminal message that I was looking for sex even though it was never met and my online dating geeks was in the serious relationship category. In one light I think online dating has a horrible aspect and numerous pitfalls in regards to types of people wether just looking for a hookup, mentally unstable, crazy stalker ex boyfriend's, the list goes on but may pose hope for those who have an inability to meet people for reasons of shyness, lower self esteem, and less confidence. Women who normally would be quite modest and grounded with their value in a relationship have their egos so overinflated because of the sheer amount of messages they receive. He told me he didn't have a sin pic because he wanted to weed out the people that only cared about looks. I don't know why but I've found a vast majority to be boring. However, this data is provided without warranty. I will pass on the online dating experience.
Pick up any book on relationships and you can bet it will have a section on online dating, whether it was written by Dr. Phil or the neighbour next door. This chapter on online dating is usually included to give people another avenue to pursue if they're failing to get a date the old fashioned way. If these so-called relationship guru's had actually tried to find Mr. Right online, they would have realized what a bad idea it was and never suggested it in the first place. Just because everyone else out there is doing it, doesn't make it a good idea. This article is based on my experiences in the online dating world, experiences that stretch out for several years. I'm not suggesting that it's impossible to find someone online. Lightning has been known to strike. I just happen to believe that online dating has been over-hyped and is probably one of the worst places to find someone to have a relationship with. This is by far the biggest pitfall of online dating. Especially if you're interacting with men within a 50-mile radius or more of where you live. I remember meeting a guy I had chatted with online for several days prior and he told me half-way through our coffee date that he was looking forward to spending the night with me. He kindly informed me that he would not be returning to his apartment that night, but would be having a sleepover at my place instead. Needless to say, he did not get his wish. Seems that there are a lot of men out there that assume the date is just something to get through to get to the sex after. This can happen on any date, regardless if you met online or not. However, this happened to me so often that I began suspecting that meeting a guy online sent the subliminal message that I was looking for sex even though it was never discussed and my profile was in the serious relationship category. I suspect that the actual number of people using online dating sites that are really looking for a relationship instead of a good time is fairly small. Let's face it, people can say anything they want about themselves online. They're a brain surgeon, a model, or even a pro-hockey player that one was rather comical. Studies have already proven that both men and women lie about different things on their profile. Women tend to lie about their weight and men tend to lie about their height and salary. Men have complained to me time and time again that when they finally met a woman they had been chatting with online, she turned out to be at least 50 lbs heavier than she stated on her profile. Sadly, it's not the weight that bothers a guy so much as the lying about it! Some people don't even use their own pictures! What a fantastic way to start a relationship!! Nothing builds love and trust like lying. People lie about whether they're even single, if they have kids, their job, their looks, you name it. But how are you supposed to know if they're the real deal? It's different when you know them from work or your friends. You can always do a little investigating about whether they are in fact single, what they do for a living and so on. That's very hard to do online. You have no choice but take their word for it, at least for the time being. I have a girlfriend that met a guy online and then proceeded to try and have a long-distance relationship with him. It never worked out. I also tried the same thing, many years ago and that didn't work out any better. The truth of the matter is, it doesn't work out for too many other people either. There is a difference between meeting someone, dating for at least 6 months and then due to uncontrollable circumstances ie. The best way to get to know someone is not by listening to everything they have to say about themselves and then reciprocating your life's story. The best way to judge some one's character or their fruits, if you want to stay on the Biblical theme is by seeing them interact with other people and in different circumstances. This is hard to do online and especially if that online relationship is long distance. It's not like you're able to have dinner or go for coffee anytime soon. You have no idea if anything that person has said about themselves or in their profile is accurate, ie. I forgot, I'm supposed to be somewhere right now! Even if you post real pictures of yourself in your profile, people can look different in person. The trouble with online dating is that when you do finally decide to meet, there can be so much emphasis on the whole looks thing. People seem to think that if there's no chemistry in the first few seconds of seeing someone in the flesh, that there can be no hope of any romance in the future. I think the reason the meet-up tends to fall apart is because we as humans tend to have certain expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel very disappointed. It's so easy to build up someone in your mind, especially if all you have to go on is their online profile and what they've told you about themselves. You bring your own expectations to the table, hoping this potential Mr. Right will meet your criteria, but in reality, meeting all of your expectations is impossible to do. This has to be one of the best reasons why online dating can actually be hazardous to your health. I realize that when we go out on a date we don't show up in sweat pants with our hair unwashed. We usually try to make a good impression. But there is a difference between looking your best and trying to be something your not. The online dating world sends the message to people that you're not good enough the way you are. The so-called online dating experts instruct us on what to say and what not to say about ourselves in our profiles. Why not be the woman that will attract they guy you want? Over and over again we get the message that you need to improve yourself or else Mr. Right will never come your way. Gee, maybe taking the initiative isn't her style. Why be you when you could be someone else! Maybe we need to stop being afraid of being alone like it's the worst thing in the world that could happen to us. Online dating tends to favour people who are attractive even if they have very little to offer in the way of personality or character. Having a sense of humor pales in comparison to six-pack abs and a great tan. Online dating seems to be more about meeting someone to go out and have fun with vs finding someone to have a serious relationship with. It's very discouraging for men and women with amazing characteristics such as a love for kids, patience, and honesty to compete with men who's hobbies include working out, going to the club and surfing on the weekends or women who resemble Scarlett Johanson and like puppies, shopping and going to the tanning salon. They place a tremendous amount of importance on how someone looks instead of who a person is. It's difficult to truly get to know a person's characteristics other than sense of humour over the internet. Being honest or being respectful towards women is demonstrated better in person than online. For women who are not super models it can get downright discouraging to post the real you online only to have maybe one response. Change your picture to include yourself in a provocative position, cleavage, or more skin overall and I'll bet you all the money in the bank you will definitely get more responses from men. Yes, men are visual, but women who are serious about finding Mr. Right or having a serious relationship want a guy to be interested in more than her bra size. Alright so I have probably depressed the heck out of you by this point but it's far better that you know what you're up against out there in the online dating world than to get your hopes up only to have them smashed to pieces. Like it's not hard enough being single but then add having to deal with rejection after rejection by complete strangers! I'm not saying that love and serious relationships can never happen online, what I am saying is that your chances are slim, whether you are male or female. For all my bad experiences and friend's bad experiences, I do know one or two cases where it did work out all sunshine and roses. People win the lottery, don't they? So there you go. Go forth and profile all you want, wink to your heart's content but please, do not dismiss the old fashioned way of getting to know someone at the office, school, local watering hole—you get it. After about a month online I started texting someone and we seemed to get along. I drove across town, waited at the restaurant where I had made reservations. We met had a nice meal a few drinks , after we took a walk around and talked some more. At the end of the evening she said that she had a nice time and kissed me then said she wasn't really ready to date. I wished her well meant it and went home a few hundred dollars poorer. I then deleted my account and haven't dated since. I fell for a girl that was riddled with baggage from her childhood, divorce, etc.. It may be shallow, but I know what I like and what I feel will never amount to anything. Online dating also ruins otherwise decent women, I believe. Women who normally would be quite modest and grounded with their value in a relationship have their egos so overinflated because of the sheer amount of messages they receive. I managed to make it to a couple of dates but most middle aged men are looking for women with crane legs and Rapunzel hair. Middle aged Men in general run on the wings of hopes that they can still pull a glamour model just because they are financially secure but nothing special about them. I am a plus sized woman and was always been honest about that. I even joined sites particularly for curvy people and guess what!? When they hear that most head for the hills. The bottom line, online dating is not for me. Good luck in your search people. So, assuming she met someone right away and they got married right away which is highly unusual , she had 5 kids in a period of 8 years. Not impossible, of course, but highly unusual. Telephone dating companies you would pay them for the opportunity log into their own separate phone system for women it was free of course and check out profiles. It seems that with with every improvement in technology simply highlights the utter shallowness of people. With all these online dating problems I can see why it's such A pain In the ass to find a relationship. I use to go on pof and I thought I was going to be on there forever until 2-3 weeks later I found an interesting profile. I decided to message him. I know it sounds risky but I gave it a shot even people with pictures still lie so doesn't make much of a difference. Anyways he replied back to me we stayed on pof chatting for a few days until we exchanged emails. Than we started talking on the phone and we met up a week later. I knew it was going to be good. I even deleted my account because I felt the chemistry on the phone when we talked and I knew he was the one. It was just something i felt. Well let's just say he was handsome as hell. He told me he didn't have a profile pic because he wanted to weed out the people that only cared about looks. Ever since then we have been in a relationship for 5 years. We were friends first than slowly it developed to something more. I know dating online or offline can suck. Just don't give up. Tried for three months on 2 different sites, very depressing. Sending messages to fake profiles and old profiles they never delete. When you meet someone there is only a 25% chance that both of you will like each other ie A likes B but B doesn't like A, and so forth. If about 20% of good meetings turn into a relationship and this is being very optimistic then the probability of finding a good relationship by meeting someone thru a dating site is. Not very good odds. The real odds are probably lower. None of my past relationships online have worked and I broke a vow that I will never get into another long-term relationship because I know the results will not only break their heart, but it will break mine too and depress me. She is going through a lot, and dumping her now would be bad. But I still don't wish to hurt her emotions in the future. Because that'll leave a mark on me. And I have a few friends online that know how much I've said I care about her and how much she has told them how much I matter to her. So I will be hated by around 7 friends. And lose at least 3 because of it. Any suggestions on what to do? I need actual advice for once. Well thought out messages never returned, not even a polite not interested. Fake profiles, old photos, women there for an ego boost, cheating wives and... Women who ask how much I make. I'm looking for a relationship not to hire a prostitute! I finally meet someone who I think has similar interests and when we meet she's about 100 pounds heavier than her picture. Um, what part of I like to kayak, rock climb and compete in long distance cycling makes you think I want a women who can't climb a flight of stairs without stopping for a break? Women who set up a date, know we are going somewhere nice and then to a show after , then cancel at the last min. Women who date multiple men at the same time! What kind of home were you raised in? It means I'm looking for a real long term relationship including possibly marriage and starting a family. I'm a tall, fit, handsome guy with multiple degrees a really nice home and a very successful business. On one popular site I was listed as the second most contacted man in my area a large city. It was still a bad experience I won't repeat. If I can't get a decent date online I feel sorry for the average Joe. It's missing all the intangibles of sexual attraction and chemistry. I wasted so much time messaging hundreds of women only to scrape together the occasional date which almost immediately I knew was a mistake. Had I met these women in person I would have known instantly that I wasn't interested. People have been getting together for thousands of years by meeting face to face. Social media and online is only contributing to social retardation. Look at the nerds who create all the online sites that people are supposed to interract on. I gather most of them would be unbearable in a one on one situation. And yet they have sold us a bill of goods that we are supposed to meet and socialize with people on their sites. I wanted to share my experience so other people have some insight into the horrors but also the hopeful side. Most woman that I met were decent people but there wasn't a real connection between them and I. You can almost tell even ten mins into the date but I tend to try and give it at least a bit longer. Most of the time my dates went fairly well and a second date was arranged. The problem isn't having good convo and meeting new people which is always an exciting experience. It's the things that begin to be unveiled as the dates progress. Not to say we all don't have our own degree of baggage but many of the woman I have met weren't ready to commit. Wether it was a past relationship that hadnt been resolved sufficiently, a mental health issue that was unresolved or just not sure what they wanted. I believe there can be success with online dating because I have heard relationships working out between people who met online. But a vast amount of people who don't have thier own issues figured out and proceed to drag people into what ever it is they are dealing with is a bit discouraging. We all have corks, faults, flaws etc but if it is going to literally effect the ability to be in a relationship it's more then irresponsible to be dragging people you don't even know into it. In one light I think online dating has a horrible aspect and numerous pitfalls in regards to types of people wether just looking for a hookup, mentally unstable, crazy stalker ex boyfriend's, the list goes on but may pose hope for those who have an inability to meet people for reasons of shyness, lower self esteem, and less confidence. Over all though finding your soulmate or at least a keeper so to speak would be far and few inbetween. I don't suggest trying to meet your true love online, for casual interactions though, it's not a bad resource. Just be aware you may be singing up for more then you originally intended to recieve. Divorced 6 yrs ago, I have finally come to the conclusion that my attempts at online dating are futile and time consuming, but worse, emotionally deflating. Unfortunately as an older male, 65 , there are some harsh realities: where can I possibly meet a lady ladies? People think an older male may be successful chasing after younger women, hardly any truth to this. I have tried to meet women about my age group but online the women, because of their advantage online, often claim to desire men 10-15 years younger than they are. That I personally am in excellent health and level of fitness is meaningless to these ladies as my actual age does not boost their self worth as a younger man by age can. I am truly in a bind. For every 10-12 ladies I write a decent, cordial intro. Women commonly complain that they receive crude messages from men with no common decency. However, my well crafted, sincere messages with recent photos has resulted in mostly, almost all actually, failure. Just not sure about what I can do. First liar was his age he made himself 10 years younger. Truest thing i ever read online. I really am wondering what has gone wrong. I didn't try online dating but in fact something more serious. Online matrimonial websites, which is kind of a norm in India and South Asia. The guys i have come across - such duds, to put it mildly. They lie about their profession, their pay, their interests, their lives, their having been married or divorced in the past.. If i find a handful interesting and try to get in touch, they dilly-dally, they are only interested in seeing as many photos of mine as possible, even daring to ask for ones in states of undress, and worst of all - holding decent intelligent flowing conversation is the most impossible task anyone can ask of them. Maybe the claims were true. But the guy was ultimately so boring that i wasn't even interested in hanging around and finding out. I too am starting to believe it's true - all the genuine solid men are married, gay or dead. I too have given up. Sometimes even the photos are fake and 'borrowed' and god knows what else is not. I had a very bad experience and Strongly Testify it. So I deactivated it. I tried it for a 2nd time and uploaded the best picture and guess what in span of two weeks I received let's say 500+ Interest, Messages and Favorites! My email has never been productive until I used it in online dating site. Moreover, personally the profiles have rarely appealed. I don't know why but I've found a vast majority to be boring. Many of those that do bother to fill out their profiles tend to write similar, if not the same things. I've tried eHarmony, POF, Match and OKCupid. I've had a sum total of eight contacts. Two of them were moved communicationally from the site — by me — but in spite of their asking to meet up and wanting to 'chat', one never bothered contacting unless I did while the other hid behind spamming text messages and refused to speak over the phone, despite being the one to suggest it. In the other cases, I've been approached by people either significantly younger than me, who haven't been that interesting or have randomly blocked me after initiation. On top of that, some had been circulating the other dating sites simultaneously, which made me warier. I've since left my OKCupid open but I'm no longer actively searching. Instead, I'll go to or start some Meetups and social events. I don't think online dating is suitable for me. The people i have met lie about there appearance, they never ever look like there picture, i have been insulted by some, telling me that i am ugly, look older then my age and so on, i want a hot guy you are not a hot guy. What as this world come to. I was 10years with a women and she left me for her soul mate, faithful, took care of her and all. I have been single for 4 years now and meeting people at my age is not easy, the worst part is when i go out with friends i get hit on by 25y old women who think i am a military, i am build for my age close to 6 feet and 220 pounds. I have a good job my own place independent and to be honest i stop looking for a relationship, its been 4 years of frustration and i did try. If you want low self esteem then go online for a men that is the place, after that you look at yourself and start thinking that maybe you are the ugliest man on the planet and more. Post like this one make me realize that online might not be the place to meet. Most people over 40 want looks before anything else and worst most of the time they don't look that good either, i met women who post picture of them dated 10 15y and when you meet them they give you a hard time. I agree with the ones further down. But I'll break it down: 1: Relationship? Online didn't invent it. In fact, at least thru online you can actually weed them out a little easier as more is shown than mingling at a singles joint. They're going to in real life among strangers at singles joints. However, you do have a point -- people are more readily to lie about some stuff to avoid being weeded by filters. But this is understandably due to another flaw -- 5! People are more Unnecessarily Judgemental online. Much of the time they're not deal breakers much more than you'll find IRL -- but they FEEL like they are, because YOU are being 5 as a judgement caller! This is not pressured online whatsoever, so this is no flaw to online. Online has no allure for it. There's plenty of people in one's surrounding areas. IF anything, the mere OPTION to do so where someone will be moving in the near future -- it's an actual Positive. So avoid that, have recent pics -- and you won't run into that Anymore than IRL dating. Thing is, people are more judgemental online. Their tastes are more stringent. They assume the worst, with a hair trigger. You complain about it applied to you, but you apply it to others and Want to. BUT, yes, it IS a flaw of online. Looks hold greater weight. If they look like their pic, that IS something they can surely go by. I was considering online dating. You have saved me from a dreadful experience. Thank you very much. I will pass on the online dating experience. I will take my chances on meeting someone the old fashioned way like in our grandparents day. By the way I think you are beautiful, smart and very witty. Have an amazing year. Hold out for an awesome mature loving man. I believe they are out there. Some of us just don't get anything from viewing photos or reading texts and want to actually meet someone in the real world and get know a real-live person. Unfortunately, the online dating crap has oozed into the real world and made men think they can approach women in the real world the same way as online. They want to hook up immediately, have no conversational skills, act strangely and admit bizarre desires too readily come on dudes, fantasy roleplaying isn't for everyone. Sadly, I think this social retardation and attempt at turning women into holes-on-demand are here to stay and women have really lost out on the best of men. I will definitely be buying a cat! It was very hard to get a date in the first place, maybe I would meet one woman out of a hundred messages sent if I were lucky. I was rarely attracted and the couple I liked didn't feel the same. It's such a waste of time compared to just screening for someone face to face when you know in a split second you're attracted and would like to go on a date. Finally after I gave up and got on with my life I met someone the old fashioned way who is beautiful and kind. The worst thing about online dating and social media is it's conditioning people to move online and creating social retardation. I tried chatting up a lot of ladies in public places and trying to line up some potential dates with no success and often they reacted like they were being hit on by an axe murderer. I've heard this from many other men. So people are being conditioned to meet online when it sucks and the old fashioned way of meeting is becoming less viable. The only people happy are the ones profiting from people trying in vain to meet someone online. I have met over 100 complete losers on line. Liars, married men, disgusting drunks and pigs. I am in my mid 50's and in pretty good shape, educated, own my own home, drive a sports car and most say funny and nice to be around. I get dates, but almost all of them were with men I would never consider in real life. I put forth an honest and open profile with recent pictures. I get lots of responses from foreign scam artists, men seeking sex and slimy creeps who look and speak like they just crawled out from under a rock. Unkept, and lonely old men pretending to me within my age range looking for arm candy or a caretaker. Men pretending to be rich and important while living in a trailer. On line dating may work for sad lonely people who stick to their own kind, but for the rest of us, its downright pathetic. It took months for her to admit what she was and I originally believed I had settled in spite of having lots of money, half decent looks but the fatal flaw of having very low self esteem - very easy for her to walk all over me- she was in essence not really good looking which I felt was a good thing.. It's been 6 years since then... I'm 60 plus and after raising my own 2 children alone I'm willing to stay alone.. I'm never willing to come to any woman's rescue no matter how convincing she is. I'm better alone and OK with that... So the online predators are not just GUYS. I have personally tried Internet dating several time, always on the recommendation of others normally content couples who have no idea about the complexity of dating. Each time I have tried, I have always regretted it and felt that I was selling myself out and putting myself up for a fall. It's very soul distroying, particularly if you get no responses or the only responses are from sleazy, inappropriate individuals that send generic messages. It's similar to reading a book and formulating an image of the individual character, visualising how they look, act and sound. However, when watching the film adaption,that illusion maybe shattered when seeing the chosen actor. A classic example of this is the character Christian Grey. I think Internet dating has had it's day. The genuine, quality individuals that once used the site sppropriately have left and made way for trolls and sleazy individuals. Oh well, that's life. I have personally tried Internet dating several time, always on the recommendation of others normally content couples who have no idea about the complexity of dating. Each time I have tried I have always regretted it and always felt that I was selling myself out and putting myself up for a fall. It's a little soul distroying, particularly if you get no responses or the only responses are from sleazy, older individuals that sent you a generic message. It's like reading a book and visualising what the individual character would look and act like, and having that illusion shattered when you see the the film adaption where the actor is not what you visualised... If you've ever browsed the Craigslist personals, it isn't about dating; 99. It is the passive form of Craigslist. Where Craigslist is the left brained masculine aggressive ads of prostitution—dating sites are no different. They are the right brained feminine passive ads of prostitution. If you are a real person looking for real love, and you are unaware, you could enter into the world of fantasy hooking up and believe it to be reality—winding up raped, manipulated, and abused. One of my best friends met her husband online and they have 2 daughters and a happy marriage. None of my online dating experiences turned into anything more than a few dates, though. I do have some pretty funny stories that came out of it. I ended up meeting my husband at church. In my experience, meeting online is tough because you don't have the benefit of mutual friends and acquaintances, etc, and I agree with you that people do often lie and misrepresent themselves. To each their own, I guess, but it wasn't the right path for me. I've always been able to find massively intelligent, kind, grounded, and real men online OKCupid, mostly , as have many of my girlfriends. I'm married to one right now, as a matter of fact. I wrote him, which is not my usual style, but it sure as hell paid off in this instance. But it takes a lot of patience and you need to put out there what you want in return. I also agree with the author that getting addicted to it is hugely dangerous, just being addicted to FB, your iPhone, etc. Nor are all women the cliches that are easy to think. I'm a shorter guy, and all it takes is patience and trying to not get upset by how lame us humans can be. I don't put up how much I make which is a lot because it automatically helps weed out the women I would never want to date. Little things like that can help. Another way to make it work is to act in the way that you want OTHER people to act. I'm often surprised by profiles I read, then see the woman doing some of the very things she complains about guys doing. RESPOND to messages the ones that aren't lame, obviously , be cool and friendly. Another is to not set up impossible expectations based on the false romantic tinsel that we all grow up on in this country of ours. That's not a bad thing at all; it's reality. Once you accept that, you have a better shot at both online dating and staying with someone you meet. People window shop forever online, which is the biggest problem with it. The way to make something positive happen is to actually meet people online IN PERSON, where online identities are no longer a mask. People also think that there's always something better than what they have, something better just around the corner. This is a basic human condition, unfortunately, but it can be worked around. I've had a few truly amazing relationships from women I met online. They didn't work out but we're all still friends, and there's no difference between the amount of breakups and divorces on the offline vs. But I am not looking for friends, I am looking for a Boyfriend, but all I got was false hope and scams and lies. So I minimize my logging in to the dating sites and on 2014 I met a guy. He is a nice guy and a member of a Christian Community. Though he is not into social media sites our communication is kind of old fashioned way. He sent me a post card last year for my birthday, and we still talked with each other until now through text message or email. I don't hope for the real one between us because I might get disappointed, if life favors one day and it will come true I will be greatful. But if not it will be fine with me. Love comes when you least expect it. Dating sites have too much hype. I have never found a good boyfriend. I run and own my own business and I study aswell but I always find a balance for a social life. I have always tried in relationships but it's usually after 2-3 months I truly find out who those men are truly like then it ends up in a break up because it was a lie. Advertising of dating sites is bs and should check their members better. It's here to stay whether we want those changes it brings or not. So I'm glad to see all this conversation and wish more than 1 in 5 long lasting relationships were people meeting online. I loved the slow nurturing way of old fashioned dating. But times change and now we do internet dating. No substitute for eye contact which can tell you all you need to know. If you go into the online dating thing, just know you're taking a chance and that the imagination is much more active than reality is. Nice looking people are not always as nice as they look on the outside and getting to know someone is not as easy as sending off a text message. Our society needs to be comfortable to be single or you can't be comfortable with someone else as well. If it's such a concern, then why make it possible? In this day and age, technology has advanced rapidly, so why not use it? It's perfectly alright to go on Facebook using a smartphone, so why shouldn't it be ok to meet someone online and have a relationship with them? It sucks that you're apart, but from an emotional point of view, it can be life changing. If you arrange to meet up at some point, that would kick ass. In this day and age, it's not such a big deal. I met someone too that I'd like to meet. I myself never tried the online dating scene but I think the bar scene was just as bad. This tends to be how society rules the world. I think people are much more fascinating when they allow themselves to just be who they are. If you can't find people that want to be with you, do a self examination. If there are changes that better you, meaning, you ditch the negative thinking that drives people away, then make the change. Don't ever change who you are, just because you think you aren't good looking enough. Women stay with men that abuse them and treat them like shit, its almost as if they want that, id rather be single than date some ratchet masochest or some woman that thinks they're better than me because they got a lil money. Thanks for writing this article. Bottom line, online dating is not what it was when some of these commenters met their loves. If you have a brain and are not looking for a hookup online dating can damage your view of society. It would be nice if more people let the few good people that are seriously seeking relationships to get out of their houses and stop waiting for an email saying here I am. Thought you had read my mind. Others don't put effort into asking questions that might reveal something about the person's character and are more interested in how funny he is or whether or not he also likes to go hiking. This certainly can account for the negative experiences a person has had on dating sites. It's your job to figure out if that's you, not mine. Most people have difficulty honestly evaluating themselves to try to figure out how much of their negative experiences in life is something they can actually control and fix. I just don't think it's a very balanced assessment. The upside is that I don't think the majority of your readers are necessarily looking for a balanced assessment. Humans love to commiserate. In my opinion, sometimes what we need isn't what we want. I am simply sharing my opinion as others have. I do not write hubs to tell people what to do, they are free to do as they wish and even if I did, so what? People can make up their own minds. The point of this hub is to share my experiences with online dating that show the uglier side of it. I have a right to do that. I also find it interesting that you essentially blame me for my bad experiences. Did you read my profiles? Did you monitor my actions on these websites? I was one of them. I met someone online and we are happily married now with 3 kids. Online sites give you an opportunity to vet the other person before you meet, which I found to be incredibly valuable. This works in your favor, because people who are just trying to have sex won't have the patience for significant back and forth emails or the wade in slowly model you find at eHarmony. RE: s 2 and 4 This is a great thing in disguise. In the dating world, the sooner you find out about a person's character flaws the better! They just did you a huge favor! RE: 5 Instructions on how to write an interesting profile that catches someone's attention is not at all the same thing as instructions on how to be someone else. It's just not the same thing. If those instructions bleed into emails, phone calls, and face to face then that's problematic. If it just applies to making a good profile then what's the harm in that? General comments: Dating online is not for everyone. Rejection can certainly come at a pretty fast clip because you have so many more potential candidates. In a bar or in life in general , you are rejected just as many times. You just don't see it or feel it. But, if you are the kind of person that recognizes that people walk away for all sorts of reasons including their own brokeness, you will be less affected by that and this model will work for you. My problem with this article is the message that online dating is for no one. I think this is a very arrogant statement. It would be better to let people find their own path. I would rather see you share your experience without deciding for them what to do. Hopefully that makes sense. Meaning that if there not interested they won't message you back. Which is pretty rude, considering most women would NEVER deny you like that in real life, nor would they even get the amount of attention they are getting online once they step out there front door. It's a security complex of sorts. They like the attention there getting from guys. I'm 6'1' in very good shape. Masters degree, great job and have my life together well. The dates Ive been on were ALL jokes. Within the first 15 minutes the women were already lying about something. One said she was 28 years old, ended up being 35 years old and still married living with her husband. Go figure, meet this girl up for Sushi. She looked like her picture all was well. Planned on doing something after lunch. When the bill arrives she leaves to the bathroom for over 25 minutes no joke I end up paying the bill. Online dating is a pathetic joke. Seems like it's for desperate people who are lazy in all honesty being blunt I realized the signs to finally remove myself from online dating and do it the real and right way. It's interesting how women who write so positively of themselves find themselves on these websites for months, if not years. For the person who is genuine, honest and is truly interested in finding ONLY one person, it's a daunting task. Women seem to love and thrive on all the attention and if they're narcissistic, well, they're in heaven. For the simple man hoping to meet someone, they have to 'compete' with numerous others for women who would normally not get all the attention in a non-online dating avenue. One women mentioned that she didn't like all the attention because she couldn't imagine the 30 guys standing in front of her at one time who emailed her that day alone! It's superficial and used by most men and women as an ego boast with artificial ramifications. All a woman has to do is place a pic with herself with puckered lips and wham-o, hundreds of idiots will comment. What is most hurtful is to find out that a women who you believed was only dating you, is still maintaining a profile and enjoying the attention. It's artificial and creates a false-sense of confidence thinking that just because many people view your profile or 'want to meet you' that you are now the talk of the town. I did meet a women online and dated for several months, only to find out that she still maintained an active profile and had over 150 emails present when she accidently shared a pic from an email on her account. Trust is everything in a relationship and with all the social media and tricks people play hiding information from those they are involved with, it's a nightmare being in the dating world of modern technology. Online is a bit of a minefield. People do lie or 'exaggerate' shall we say. I had dates where the guys said they were 'intelligent, tall, witty, charming, good looking, funny'. Some are just plain odd, never had girlfriends, they would have no chance in a bar, so you have to wonder why they are online. You would think it was easy, it does all the work for you pictures, interests, no awkward opening line. But guys mess around too. Some endlessly view your profile, don't have any text or pictures, wink or don't make the first move. Then you exchange and couple of emails and they disappear! You want to look attractive and interesting, guys just make smutty comments or ask you out for a drink without really getting to know you. Shame there isn't a way to filter less serious people. Especially when you are paying for the privilege. I'm a smart, attractive, funny, easy going, brunette with a lot to offer, but I don't get that much attention. Guess guys are going for the younger, easy blonde bimbo types. I am looking for a relationship not sex or casual. What has happened to men I wonder? Does a woman ask to be raped? I am not blaming men, but rather warning women that not everything is as it seems on these dating sites based on my own personal experience. You are spot on with every observation you've made. I have experienced ALL of that and more with on-line dating websites. He's what I would sall a SOCIOPATH since he had no qualms about lying to ALL of us and felt no sense of guilt or remorse about any of it. I met my wife online 6 years ago. In fact it's reported that 1 in 5 new relationships began online. Online dating is just another option or tool for meeting new people. The internet did not invent liars and cheaters! The same people you'd meet online also go to the grocery store, beaches, parks, concert halls, nightclubs, universities, malls, and churches. At the end of the day you are responsible for the choices you make. Don't blame the tool! Another common mistake people make is they assume all dating sites are the same. That's like believing staying at a Motel 6 is the same as staying at The Ritz Carlton hotel because they both offer cable TV and have beds. You have to do your research. Last but not least take your time and get to know people. Use the same commonsense you'd use with meeting a stranger anywhere else. It works for some, not for others. If your ego is fragile, I suppose it is not the best avenue to meet a potential partner. I never really was vested in how a date turned out. Just tried to be open. I had a couple of nice dates. One guy decided to go home and take a nap when I told him I didn't do casual sex. The dates turned out that there was no mutual interest, or the guy was interested but I was not. A couple of guys lied about their height. I am an attractive woman and in good shape, so I was in pretty high demand. But, I didn't meet anyone who was a good fit. Although, a couple of the guys were really nice, and one will most likely remain my friend. If you truly don't go in with the agenda that this HAS to be 'the one' and you can not get caught up in fantasy and just meet people, it is fine. Ultimately, I ended up getting back together with my ex boyfriend neither of us ever got over the other , so my experiment with on-line dating came to an end. I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it. It is just another way to meet a person, and if you aren't in an area or profession where it is easy to meet people, it can work. I've talked to men who have had these experiences, and I asked them what the women said after they saw that clearly the woman lied about her weight, age, etc. They told me that these women thought that maybe the guys could get past their appearance and like them based on the conversations they had previously or something along those lines. Sadly, nobody likes being lied to and the fact that the guy had been lied to on something as important and woman's appearance, it's no wonder guys get equally discouraged from using these sites. I'll just ask because I do not know: do women submit their photograph on these sites? If they do, I bet it is their very best one. Men are visual creatures and most of them are short-sighted enough to choose a woman based solely upon her physical beauty. Knowing the fairer sex as I do... Perhaps women should use an avatar instead of their real photo to force men into seeing what they're really about. Force a man to fall in love with their words, thoughts, character, and spirit. When the time is right, reward him with a photograph and see where that goes. You gave us all wise words to live by... I only wish I had read this sooner. For some reason the silly follow button would not allow me to leave you fan mail. That being the case, I just wanted to say that I appreciate your perspectives and want to thank you for all your classy comments and Hubs. You are a breath of fresh air. Peace be with you and yours - C. I will reserve a seat of honor at my fire, especially for you. Voted up, interesting, useful and downright awesome!!! You are a world class writer who deserves to have her own 'advice' column in a daily newspaper online or off. Thank you for your profound and truthful words here and yes I've been there done that so to speak but experience is the essence of life isn't it - You would have to travel that road in order to know exactly what it all means. Love your style and the effort that you put into this hub presentation - Canadians rock here at Hubpages, eh, lol. Sending you warm wishes and good energy and how has your winter been? Spring is definitely here now I would say. I have tried 4 different online dating sites. The results were all the same. The men were liars, needed, looking for sex, just plain clueless...... It has been the most depressing and unpleasant experience of my life. I use to feel pretty good about myself until I started this phoney excuse for finding a meaningful relationship. I have decided I would rather be alone than spend more than half a day with any of the many men I met. A total waste of time and energy. I used to really trust and believe in people being inately good; however, that has changed. I feel like Iwas in a comma for5 the last 25 years and woke up to a world I no longer know. What has happened to men? They ar not like the man as I remember him in my dating years prior to getting married in 1989. These dating sites are making someone very rich at the cost of peoples emotional health and finances. My opinion is it is the biggest rip off of the melinium. For thos who haven't tried, don't bother... If you are lonely like me, and miss having a menaingful relationship with the opposite sex, take my advise. Get out, do what you love to do, be happy with who you are and leave it to fate. So many scammers and losers out there. Not worth the time or money!!!!! I tried the online thing twice when I was single. It's a long story, but her mom was out of the picture, so I didn't have any time or space to meet women in the regular avenues, at work or otherwise. I thought this might make me some sort of commodity or something! But most women seemed very turned off by a dude with a kid, except for the two single moms I did go out on dates with. But as you observe, I think they are mostly in a slim minority. Another intriguing piece, you've distracted me from a nap so that show's your writing is worth it's salt renegadeT! 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